I'm lost.

I have one passion that I am fully aware of, and that is writing. I love to write for people because it's one of the ways I can share joy. I want to spend my days writing beautiful words so people can feel what I feel. But I don't know how to make that a job, so that's not how I spend my days. I spend my days at work, then by the time I'm home my desire to write is gone and I crawl into bed. This has been my life for the past two years. My flaw is that I'm lazy, and I read other peoples work and I feel inadequate. Because why would someone need to read my words when so many other people have already said all I have to say? Who knows. But it's time for me to get over that and write, because I feel my happiness come back when I write.

For so long I've been half a person, I haven't been complete for a long time. Realizing this caused a huge amount of pain, which hasn't left. I didn't like the pain so I distracted myself from it for a while, but then all of a sudden it came crashing down on me. My life is vastly different to what it used to be, and all of a sudden I was lost. My smile was fake, and the sparkle from my eyes was dead. 

But, I am on the road we call life, and I know now that to find myself I need to draw near to God. He is my source of Joy and life, and when I started to lose sight of that I lost myself. I was the girl who was defined by her relationship and as soon as I knew that, I had to leave. It was difficult, because I honestly loved him. But I loved him to the point that I was willing to lose myself to be what he wanted, and that didn't sit well with me. So, here I am. Single. Trying to find my passion for life and zeal for God.

But I feel happy for writing this, it's strangely healing. Words calm my chaotic mind.







Lecy x

Would the 8 year old me be proud of who I am?

For some reason this question has been lingering in the back of my mind for a while. I'm not 100 percent sure why, but I think I read something about it and it the question never really left me.

In answer to it, I honestly think I wouldn't be proud of who I am. Only because as a small child I thought that by the time I was 'old' (I used to think 16 was a big deal) I would have my life together. I would imagine that I'd know what I was going to do for a career and I thought I would have found the perfect man to marry. (I know I said I'd never get married, but I was always lying and we all knew that). So if the little, innocent, 8 year old me saw me now, they would be disappointed. This realization scared me at first, but the more I thought about it the more I understood. Yes I would be sad that I hadn't conquered life as young as I had hoped, but  I would be so happy with myself for staying true to the person I am and to my faith. Because I've never been the person who knew exactly what they wanted from life, so of course it's going to take me a while to find what I what to spend the rest of it doing. Little me would be happy that I still have the most incredible friends, and that I am getting a qualification (even if I'm not sure it's what I'll do forever..). I would be proud because no matter what life has thrown at me, I've never admitted defeat, and that makes my stubborn little heart so happy. I know I've made mistakes, and I am by no means saying that I'm perfect, but I think I'm allowed to tell myself that I'm doing okay every now and then. Because if I don't encourage myself, who will? I'm happy with the person I'm becoming, and it's taken me a long time to get here. But I'm the lady that God made and intended for me to be. Daily I have to remind myself to trust Him and not my own feelings, and it's a struggle. But He's working with me and always will be cause I'll never be perfect. But right now, I'm happy with where I am and I look forward to growing and finding out more about who I am and where I'm going to go with life. It's an exciting journey, very tiresome, but sometimes the joy outweighs the tiredness. I'm just thankful that I've been given incredible friends that never leave my side, and an amazing family that keeps my feet on the ground and head out of the clouds. I wouldn't be the person I am today if God hadn't put me through everything I've been through, and for that I'm grateful. If I said all this to the 8 year old me, I wouldn't understand but I would be okay with who I've become, mainly because God will always be the main focus of my life. And I know from experience that when God isn't the focus I can get rid of the distractions.

Sorry for the rambles, but this is my blog and that is what I do. It is my way of letting everything out, and I've missed it so much! So if you don't enjoy it, don't read it. I enjoy writing and if no one reads what I say, I won't mind in the slightest. This is for me, and if someone does like me then that's cool.

"Instead of a river, God often gives us a brook, which may be running today and dried up tomorrow. Why? To teach us not to rest in our blessings, but in the blesser himself." ~ A. W. Pink.

That's all I have the energy to write tonight.

Lecy xx

So, life sucks.

In my long absence from blogging, I've been learning what it's like to grow up. And it sucks. I mean sure there are some ups, I have money, a car, amazing friends and boyfriend, but all of these things come with responsibility, and I can't stand it. So even though there are some good things, the majority of it sucks. I don't deal with stress well, I can't wake up in the morning, I don't have time to socialize much anymore, and I'm always tired.

So this evening, whilst I've been home alone I've been reliving some of the things I used to do. And by that I mean I've been dancing around the house, in my highest heels, with Taylor Swift and all my other country music blasting (by other I mean the Band Perry).

So really, I'm just blogging to complain about life. It's hard, and I feel like a lot of people understand and some will disagree. But life is hard and sometimes you just need to have some music on really loud and just forget about everything. Or, if you don't have time for that, just dye your hair blue. It works and it's quite fun. Until you go to dye your hair brown again and it goes green.. So then you have to bleach your hair and dye it brown all over again. But hey, I'm not speaking from experience or anything..

One of the worst things though, is remembering all the cool stuff you used to do, and how you can't do it anymore because work and study consumes all your time. 

This is me, doing my favorite thing last summer.

Me again, but with Freyja who's the best vaulter I know.

I think I should stop now, before I bore you all to death and fall into a deep depression from which no one could ever return. I will go to bed like a sensible grown up would do so I'm ready for a long day at work tomorrow. Who am I kidding? I'm not going to bed, I still have 3 more Taylor swift albums to go through.

But you should go to bed. Goodnight imaginary friends that live inside the big wide interweb. Sweet dreams to you all.

Yours truly, 

Lecy, the fairy queen of the mystical woods x

Well, well..

Well, I have been absent quite a long time. So I thought I'd say hi and fill you in on what I'm doing with myself nowadays. 

1. I did well in my Cambridge exams at the end of last year. 

2. I'm a Barista, and I make really good coffee. 

3. I'm most likely going to do a Chef apprenticeship. So in a few years I'll be able to make amazing coffee, and super delicious food.  

4. I saw my most favourite band ever live. And then I saw my favourite singer the week after. (Band was RED and singer was Passenger).

5. I'm still boring.

6. MUMFORD AND SONS ARE RELEASING A NEW ALBUM IN MAY.

7. AND THE DAY AFTER THEY RELEASE IT I'M GOING TO SEE THE SCRIPT IN AUCKLAND!

8. My life is full of excitment, and most of the time I'm just 'meh' about it.

9. I should enjoy things more than I do.. 

10. Maybe I'll go have a nap now.

I just realised I haven't written a blog since I chopped all my hair off. So you should all know that I have short hair now, and it's super cute.

So this is the short hair. (It's adorable, I know).

This is the coolest ginger singer I know. (He's even better than Ed Sheeran, and I'm a fan of him too).

Although this guy doesn't really have hair, just a really good ginger beard.

This is the first coffee I ever made kind of pretty, my goodness I was so proud of myself.

And this, my friends, is my new car. The super power it gives me is super Nana. Like no joke as soon as you drive a car like this you feel like a Nana.

Oh, hello Jamboy! So this weirdo is going to be really happy that he made it into one of my blogs, since he's always been so sad that he hasn't been in one yet even though we've been dating for almost a year.. I'm a slack girlfriend. But that's okay, he's here now so I can stop.

Just to make sure Abby doesn't feel like 2nd best, here's another photo of us being beautiful to even thing out.

P.s. She's taking me to see the script ;)

And finally, here are some words I think we should all live by.

Farewell, fellow bloggers! I shall see you in the very, very distant future.

Lecy xx

The life of Lecy ft. Ellie Goulding and Mike Rosenberg (a.k.a Passenger)

I've gathered you all here today to tell you something very important. It is probably one of the greatest things you'll ever be told in your life (or close to). I saw Ellie Goulding live on Monday night, annnnnnd, SHE LOOKED ME IN THE EYES! Yeah, not even kidding, Ellie Goulding looked right at me. I was totally her favourite person at the whole concert, and she was my favourite too. She has such an amazing voice and oh my goodness she's just so fiiiit. And English. Very English indeed. I like her.

Doesn't she look amazing?!

She likes triangles.

We had a bucket load of fun waiting in line for five hours in our super cool raincoat plastic bag things. Plus we got cool beanies.

As you can see we made some exciting friends that liked to photo bomb.

That's right, our waiting paid off! We were right at the front.

Well, not only did I see Ellie Goulding live this week, I also received my pre-ordered Passenger album! It's called whispers and it has flippin pop up art and everything! It's beautiful. I almost cried when I got it, I couldn't handle how incredible it was. Then it was worse when I actually listened to the music on it. Such a good album. Scare away the dark is probably one of the best songs off the album.

(The video is kinda weird, but entertaining)

Anyway, enough about my social life (if that even counts as a social life). I've been really busy with school and just life in general recently, and this afternoon I went for a bike down to the river. It reminded me that sometimes we get so caught up in life that we forget how to live, and we try so hard to make time for God but it always seems fruitless because we're only doing it out of legalism. It reminded me that sometimes the only quiet time we need with God is to just step outside and take a look around us. It's good to have a pause in the rush of everything to just look at creation and thank the Creator, and the best way for that is to go for a walk or something.

It was kinda funny, while I was staring at the river flow speedily past I was getting dizzy, so I looked ahead to wear the river ended up, and it stopped the dizziness. It made me think that that's kinda like life, we get caught looking at everything that's happening around us and we freak out and get stressed. We always forget to look ahead and see what our God has planned for us. We dizzy ourselves and can't see where we're going, so sometimes we just need to step back and remember who walks beside us every day, guiding us and protecting us.

But enough of all that deep and meaningful stuff, I can never stay there long or I'll ramble on forever.

How about we look at some photos from my adventure today.

I found a rock. Some might say it looks like a love heart.

I found cute little flowers. And took selfies with no make up, because I can be pretty without looking plastic. Natural is my new favourite thing.

These weird flowers were really exciting and pretty.

Oh, another selfie.

Isn't it lovely?

Even overcast days can be beautiful.

Well I think that's enough from me for now. I'm hungry.. Have a fantastic week everybody! Lecy is out! 

P.S. Some weirdo gave me flowers the other day. I really have no idea what's happening to my life now. Just a whole lot of weird.

Bye little boogers!

Lecy xx

A whole lot of nothing much, not just nothing.

I've have so many funny stories I could begin this blog with, but they've all conveniently escaped my mind all of a sudden. So I'll just tell you all the boring things that have been happening to me lately. Actually, nope.. I don't want to tell you boringness. Instead I'll tell you that I'm a grown up child now, I'm 17. Yup, that's right, I'm getting 'ancient,' as one of my vaulting team mates informed me. But I don't think I'm ancient, I'm only half way to 34.. That's still ages till I'm old. 

Right now I'm supposed to be writing a history essay, but I'm just too cold to think. So blogging sounded far better. We know I'm procrastinating terribly when I resort to writing a blog.. But I felt sorry for you all, going so long with not hearing from me. I know you've missed me horribly. 

I know I have a million things I wanted to write about, but I just don't remember any of them.. So I'm sorry. But I will tell you I was pretending to be a lamppost the other day.. And I've had a few eventful days recently, of which you don't need to hear, and I don't need to write of. But just remember, I tried to run away. I really did, but sometimes people don't let you run away. Not fair. But I'm alive, and I'm no longer a lamppost. 

I would like to tell you all that my parents asked what I wanted for my birthday this year. By asked I mean mum gave me two options of which I chose neither. I decided I want a big wooden wardrobe, to remind me of Narnia. So I'm really excited because they said they'll get me one!

I've realized my blogs are very relevant to the name, I ramble a lot. But that's okay, that's what I do.. And now I've run out of things to ramble about, how unfortunate.

I just want to take a moment to thank my mum and my dad for raising me, I know I'm a difficult grown up child. But I really appreciate that my mum homeschooled me. Looking back, I know I sometimes hated it when I was younger, but now I can see how good it was for me. It's funny looking back and remembering all the funny little books my mum used to read me, and seeing how it set me up for my love of reading.

*I sneezed here*

But anyway, it must be bed time soon. By soon I mean I'm going to go call Abby for a few hours since I haven't talked to her in almost a week. I don't know how I survived.

But thank you to everyone who made my birthday so great, I did have a fabulous day even though it was barely mentioned. Breakfast was definitely a high light, especially my massive coffee. 

But anyway, goodnight little munchkins. Have a lovely night! 

Lecy xx

Wed-nes-days can be stressfully exciting.

Well, good morning little bloggers!
How have you all been? 'Cause I've been fantastic! Beside from the fact that I have way too much school work. Yesterday was a big day for me, I had two assignments due that I hadn't done, but somehow finished them, then it was my nieces birthday so we went and had dinner with her, but then, this crazy, ridiculous, I can't even believe it, thing happened.. I BOUGHT A CAR! That's right everyone, I, Elysia Claire Hannah Young, HAVE A CAR. It's so exciting! But I feel so old..
Now I just need to get my restricted licence.

I don't have a photo of my car right now, but when I can be bothered to take one I'll show you all. Because it's cool. You'll love it.

Now I'll tell you about my niece. Yesterday she turned nine, which is crazy! She's so old! Which is making me feel old.. I was only eight when she was born so it's weird to think she's now older than I was when she was born. But life goes on. And I'm old. But Brianna is cool, she's so clever and talented. Although she takes after me a bit too much, trust me Brianna, stubbornness will get you no where in life, it'll just make things harder.
Anyway, that's enough rambling, so I shall leave you with a photo of Brianna and cake.

Have a splendid day little munchkins!

Lecy xx